Primrose Complex, Chapter 1

*WARNING* Sensitive material in this chapter. Please do not read if you are easily offended. You will not miss anything if you skip this chapter.

I already told you, I can't hang. I have too much homework, I sent the text to Jessie, one of the girls who, for some god-awful reason, like me.

I hate being around people, I hate being popular. I don't wear preppy clothes, my hair is always a mess, and yet I'm still surrounded by people who want to be my friends. The phone rang only a few minutes later.

"Hello?" I said, as calmly as I could.

All I wanted to do was cry. How could these people even stand me? I'm ugly, I feel so fat all the time, and I'm a bitch...how could they ever like me?

"Hey, Prim," A cute guy at school said, "I was wondering if you could hang this weekend?"

His name is Gene, and he couldn't possibly like me. He's just another preppy guy, looking for an easy girl. Why would he ever like me, anyway? I mean, it's not like I'm pretty like most of the other girls at school.

"No, I don't think I can," I said curtly before hanging up.

A few minutes later, I got another call, this time from a girl named Selena.

"Hey girl!" She answered in a happy, high pitched voice, "We have to hang this weekend! Homecoming is only in like, two weeks and I still don't have a hot enough dress!"

"I...um...maybe next weekend," I told her quietly, having no intent on ever seeing her again.

God, why am I such a bitch? All these people want is to be my friend, and all I do is lie to them. They don't deserve it. I can't stand this, I'm such a bitch...the more I think about it, the more I think I should do it.

It.

"Alright Prim," She laughed, "but you better hope that there are still some good dresses!"

"I'm sure there will be," I lied.

How would I know? Why would I care? I'm not going to homecoming.

I called one friend, Ross, who I had promised to hang out with tomorrow.

"Hey! How are ya?" I waited for the message to continue, "Tricked ya! I'm not really here. Leave a message at the beep. Oh, if you're calling for the boat, you have the wrong number."

Beeeeep.

"Uh...hey, Ross..." I said awkwardly, "I don't think I can hang tomorrow. Not feeling too good. I don't know if I'm going to go to school, so...yeah. Bye. Oh! It's Prim, by the way."

I hung up the phone and tossed it on my bed.

I walked to the kitchen with my notebook. Anyone would just assume it was homework, but...well, it's not.

What should I write? I though. Should I even really do this?

I knew I should. life wasn't worth living, anyway. What's the point, really? It's not like anybody cares about me. Everyone loves Briar more. Cerebus was my best friend, my only comfort, and now he's gone...there's no use to me living, now.

Mom, Dad, family...

I wish I could say sorry, but honestly, I'm not. You'll be better off without me. More money to use for Briar's college fund, or to get another horse and extend the barn, or another dog or cat or whatever you want.

Life is just too hard for me. I know I'm a spoiled rotten bitch and I know I'm going to hell for being such a brat, but...I just can't do it.

Thanks for having me.

Primrose Everdeen Complex

I closed the notebook and left it there, for them to read once I was gone. In the bathroom, I turned on the water and splashed it around a bit to make sure I could handle the temperature for a good amount of time, then drop in some roofies I had stolen off of a creeper outside of a club.

I relaxed, for only a second, and imagined the peace I would find when this was finally over. As the pills dissolved, I lifted some of the water to my mouth and drank. It's supposed to relax my muscles and make me pass out. If I pass out, it'll be over more quickly, and I'll have less time to wimp out.

I slid down until my head was completely submerged. I would hold my breath, at first...I just couldn't make myself breathe the water in yet...

Everything started to feel darker...less normal. I could barely see, I...

I don't even...

I tried to breathe, but there was something...

...

Briar screamed my name, but I didn't respond.